Obrigado

Its been three months since I've seen this page...since I've written words in this little text box with anticipation of publishing the "next greatest diatribe the internet has seen".

"Do you know where you're going to? Do you like the things that life is showing you? Where are you going to? Do you know?" -Theme from Mahogany

The answer to these questions are "yes"! Boy, what a whirl-wind these last few months have been. Back in December, I had a Premonition, and though it may be too early to call, those visions are on track. As clearly and coherently as I type these words, the reality of changing my last name the rest of my life appears just as clear.

I am emphatically grateful for the turn that my life has made. Nothing (in recent memory) has made me more appreciative of the mysterious phenomenon of chance than these last few months. I feel unconquerable, unscatheable...but most importantly, unequivocally in love.

And from the bottom of my heart...

I thank you.

Premonition

Softly kissing you goodnight,

Our lips touch for the one millionth time,

Gray hairs cover you with age,

But your eyes still as bright as the day…

The kids first left the home,

College bound, sights unknown,

Your heart filled with grieve,

My heart overwhelmed with the need…

To run down the aisle,

And rush through these vows,

Guests look on in awe,

Our love, no one ever saw…

The hunger in my eyes,

Before I kissed you that night,

A wonderful gift indeed,

A birthday filled with memories…

Of an unsuspecting winter night,

Filled with laughter and delight,

A game of a thousand words,

Some spoken, many unheard…

Of relationships that never last,

Let’s leave it all in the past,

Mesmerized by love’s spell,

A path of our future? Only time will tell…

Deterioration

Letting my pen guide these words
I fell asleep with the birds...
Flying so eloquently high
Not anticipating our last goodbye

Letting my tears guide this cry
A promise to you to never lie...
Fixing an unintended mistake
Sleeping to never awake

Letting my words guide this pen
Switching it up again...
Wanting to take back the control
Needing my story to unfold

Letting my mind guide this heart
Oh how it all fell apart...
Shall I never hear your voice again
To forever remain "the pen of wren"

Letting my fear guide this decision
Of all of you I am missin...
How quickly it always breaks
One mistake, is all it takes

Thats my story...

Standing at the bar, watching from afar...
"Girl did he just look"?
"Naw...girl, I don't think he saw."

Now chillin in the back, pulling down my hat...
"Ok, look again"
"Oh my god, here comes Ren..."

Act natural,
Sip your drink,
Look the other direction,
Lights camera action...

Now HE'S chillin in the back,
With a few girl...all of them fat.
No competition not at all!
Wow...all because "Marcus called"

That's my story...whats yours?

The New/Old You

Sheeeeeeee's baaaaaccckkk.....

Well, not quite, but I'm getting there :-) That sad and pathetic girl a few posts ago is finally about to make her [exit stage left]. I can feel it in my bones! However, I must say that I have learned some valuable lessons, and discovered new characteristics about myself from this whole debacle. And isn't that what life is all about...isn't that the real meaning? Think about that for a moment...

"I'm a survivor, I'm not gone give up, I'm not gone stop, I'm gone work harder" - Destiny's Child, Survivor

Althought super cliche, the lyrics above are powerful. Word from the wise, whenever you start to believe that you are weaker, broken or nothing without someone, you have given up. "In order to get your ex out of your head, get them out of your heart".

Be strong...the storm is only temporary

Waiting to...

[exhale]

Its funny how you think you've got everything all figured out and that you "know all there is to be known" and have "done all there is to be done"...and then BAM...when you least expect it...something new happens. Opportunity is indeed around every corner. And no, I don't mean the corners of your four walled bedroom. You've stared at those for days. Get out and do something. Go shoe shopping, waste your time at the Verizon Wireless store trying to resolve that long-ignored cell phone issue with a representative who clearly just started working yesterday...or go buy some meat groceries... But whatever you do, know that yesterday never lasts.

The sun will come out tomorrow, bet your bottom dollar that tomorrow... they'll be sun -Tomorrow, Annie

I have yet to figure out how this mysterious world works. Or why and how people come and go in and out of our lives. But for right now, no more questions. For once, I'm actually going to sit back and enjoy this sun rise without the burdens of yesterday's tasks.

[breathe]

Cognitive Dissonance

"Cognitive dissonance is a discomfort caused by holding conflicting ideas simultaneously. The theory of cognitive dissonance proposes that people have a motivational drive to reduce dissonance. They do this by changing their attitudes, beliefs, and actions. Dissonance is also reduced by justifying, blaming, and denying." - Cognitive Dissonance, Wikipedia

I was in denial...(sigh) probably still am. How can "hot and heavy" turn into "barely there" so quickly? So abruptly? So... detrimentally??? I love you...I still do. But this third time was definitely not "a charm"...its the WORST! How foolish must I sound, look and feel before I let go? Why is this so hard? He's just a man...a man I love, but a man nonetheless. Nothing "divine" about him. Oh but yes there is....his laugh, his smile, his jokes, his strong arms....CRAP! STOP DIGRESSING!

Alright, back on track. This is not me...AT ALL! Where's that "strong black woman" everybody else knows? The harder than hard Val? The "Brick House" that no Big Bad Wolf has penetrated in ages? How fragile and pathetic have I become? I am definitely not being a "boss" right now #RickRoss.

"Love's a game. I played and lost. Should have learned my lesson yesterday, when yesterday was far away." - Marques Houston, Love's A Game

Heart ache is a horrible disease! Albeit temporary, I never want to catch it again. Why can't it be like chicken pox or something? You catch it once in your drunken college days childhood, then you're good for the rest of your life #BeenThereDoneThat! Sure, sure...I'll get over this...eventually. I'll be back soon, posting about the next "Prince Charming" and how he's SOOO much better than so-and-so, blah, blah, blah...But unfortunately, right now, I can't see the forest for the trees, so... for the few stragglers that accidentally stumble across my page after Google searching for something much cooler from time to time...misery loves company my friends. But go ahead...laugh at my pain. I'm sure I will one day too...